Spacing
27th May 2008
All of you, for the most part, have at least one child. Some, I know, have more, or know they want more, or are pregnant with subsequent kids.
So I’m really curious to know — being pregnant with our second, and last, child — how will you, or did you, decide the age spacing of your children?
We always knew Lucy would be at least 2 before we’d want to be pregnant again. “At least” turned out to be “within days of her second birthday,” but I am loving how it turned out. At 27 months, Lucy is just adorable right now. She’s still controllable, she’s a cute chatterbox, she listens and plays make believe and generally is completely edible. Lately I’ve been saying if I wasn’t already pregnant, I’d want to be.
I’m also loving the seasons of this pregnancy: I went through the real crappy times when it was still cold out, and am now in the energized second trimester in late spring/early summer when I can still easily run after Lucy and garden and paint and travel in the nice weather. This *should* also play out well with transitioning Lucy into a big girl bed, and potty training her this summer.
I also needed to make sure that life could — and would — return to some semblance of normalcy, even if it is a “new normal.” You know, that our evenings would once again be free (Lucy now goes to bed around 7:30 p.m., and sleeps until 7 a.m.), that we could do stuff with and without her, that my sense of self wasn’t lost (just altered) and that the world really does continue to exist and function after kids.
Finally, from a completely selfish, body perspective, I got tired of being in limbo: Knowing that I’d be pregnant and breastfeeding again, that my body would change again, that my boobs would change again. I felt like I couldn’t invest in nice clothes or bras knowing that my body wasn’t done morphing. And working out, in some respects, began to feel a little pointless knowing what was (hopefully) right around the corner.
But I think even if you aren’t able to plan your pregnancies — either they’re surprises or take longer than expected — or you adopt or whatever, whatever the age spacing turns out to be is the right one for your family.
Discuss.
Possibly related posts:
With our first just turning 8 months old, I can say that we are definitely not even close to considering a 2nd just yet. Most of our friends did the 2-2.5 yr gap for their 2nd, but we may space it just a bit further. Hubby and I were both only children, so the thought of having 2 little ones under the age of 3 is a bit overwhelming. I think when she’s turning 4 would be a perfect time for me … if we can be so lucky to have it work out that way.
William will be 22 months when this next LO is born in July. I wish we had waited a little longer but we got pregnant quicker than we thought this time around
Both kids came as a surprise so there was no planning involved. I would have liked to have had Caity closer in age to Lexy and further from 40 for me *sigh* however, what will be will be …
3 year olds are at the height of the “I’m the only child” syndrome. That is Mommy and Daddy’s centre of attention. The jealousy thing is in full force at 3 (how dare you come here and take my Mommy’s attention, etc.).
Once when Grandma was holding newborn baby Caity, Lexy threw a stuffed toy at her and hit her in the head. Lexy looked at me and said “it was an accident” yeah right kid. Cait was screaming but luckily wasn’t hurt – she inherited her Dad’s hard head…
It’s easier now, but it’s taken a year.
When they’re 2 or younger they may not understand all the words you’re saying to them or the idea of being patient and when they’re older it’s just as bad because they’re not used to having to share your time with anyone.
It’s a tough call …
Brady is 15 months old now and I have always thought that 2.5 years apart or so would be good. Jay has that “trying time” circled on the calendar. Since Brady’s birthday is in February, if we had another baby at some point in mid to late 2009 that would be great. Hopefully it works out for us!
C.
Jaxson will be 17 months in just over a week and we won’t be getting pregnant anytime soon. We are enjoying him so much, we want a couple more years of just him. Our plan was to wait until Jaxson is 3 and then decide to get pregnant or have an only child.
I got pregnant a couple of days before Kylah’s first birthday…. which makes my kids 20 months apart. Totally planned. My husband and I both had the itch to get pregnant again even before that however I had a c-section with my first so knew it was risky any earlier. I L.O.V.E. how close in age they are. I had a c-section again (ugh) with Liam (breech, I know my kids don’t know how to come out the right way. haha). Since I’m planning on having a c-section again, for safety reasons, we’re planning on getting pregnant again this coming March which will make Liam and the new baby 2 years apart. If it all happens as planned of course!! bam, bam, bam, bam… we’re done!
My first 2 are 31 months apart and my second and third are 19 1/2 months apart. This was a bit close is my opinion. All of them were planned but took a little longer to get pregnant with the second and no time with the third so it threw off our months a bit when the second took longer and I didn’t want a winter baby so now I’m a little busier but OK. Just don’t like all the diapers I have to change.
We thought about our age, now 35, and how old we’d be when they were 20 and that made us move a little quicker too.
in utero baby has a due date exactly 2.5 years from her big sister. I wanted my kids less than 2 years apart, but it didn’t happen quite that way. My brother was 3.5 years older and it was like he was from another planet until we were in our 20′s, so I wanted my kids to be closer in age (and have more of them!) so they could hang out more. My hubs is one of 12 (born in 16 years) and they all have so much fun together.
does anyone read these comments?
I read all of the comments, Cristen.
When this one is born, my two will be 28 months apart (depending on how close she comes to the due date). I had the 2.5 years spacing in my head as well, but this one was a little early by a couple months. But hey, close enough.
I think with Eirinn having such a dominant personality, no time would be the “perfect” time. But most children generally don’t have permanent memories until 3 years old, so I wanted to sneak child #2 before then so Eirinn won’t have any memories of being an only child. I thought that might make it easier for her to deal with in the long run.
I’m biased because, well, it’s my site, but I read every single comment, too. They are very important and interesting and telling.
All your notes show different schools of thought on this, but I also wanted Lucy to be a little older so she’d be able to understand a bit what was happening. She doesn’t REALLY get what a big sister is, but she knows she’s going to be one, that a baby is coming, that the baby makes “big noise” and that Mummy will need Lucy’s help.
I know she will of course need to be looked after in her own right, but right now at 27 months, she’s more independent than she was, say, six months ago, and will be even more so in another 4.5 months when the baby’s due. And she loves to help us and run little errands, and I hope that continues when the Parasite2 arrives so she can feel important and like she’s contributing.
My 2 boys will be 26 months apart when the second is born in September. We had been planning to wait a few months more before trying for #2 as I had no desire to be enormous throughout the summer. However, it turns out that I can’t count to 28 with any degree of reliability, so here we go! I really hope they’ll be friends – my brother and I are about 2 years apart and while we had pretty different interests due to the gender difference, we could always hang out together pretty well when we were on vacations, etc.
Besides, Darien is SOOOOO ready to have someone to play with!
Carly, sometimes it helps if you have the older one, in this case Miss Lucy, talk to the baby. Lexy did that with Caity and it was really cute. She’d pat my tummy and say stuff like, I love you and I can’t wait for you to be born…
Also, another good tip is that when Lucy visits you in the hospital (This could work for you too Jen), have a present from the baby to Lucy so that Lucy won’t feel so left out.
That worked like a charm with Lexy, she thought it was very nice of baby Caity to give her a present!
Hope that helps, Ladies
I read all of the comments, even tho most days I am just a lurker!
Good tip, Doodlesmom. I’ll have to remember to do that. I also have heard to make sure you’re not holding the baby when the older one comes for the first visit. To focus your attention on greeting her and how much you’ve missed her and then introduce her to the baby.
Mine are 4 years apart and a month give or take. The big one is a huge help but I try not to put too much on him cuz he is only 6 and needs to be a kid still. I love that he is more independant and being in school when we go home allowed me to get to know my daughter and adjust her to her new surroundings without taking away from him. We also do individual dates with him which always makes him feel extra special.
I didnt have too much in the way of say about how far apart my kids are. They were both adopted and its just how it worked out. Wouldnt trade it and I love to wonder about the spacing of #3.
I am with the belief that the spacing is right for your family and you make the best of it
Our daughter is 28 months now, and would have been just over 2.5y when our little one was born in September had we not miscarried. I thought that was perfect timing, for many of the reasons mentioned above. I’m a little sad that when we do have another child, our daughter will be at least 3, if not 3.5.
I have a sister who is 18 months younger than myself, and we have always shared so much. My other sister, who is 5 years younger, is practically from a different country because of the age difference.
Our daughter just turned 1 on May 26 and we just found out we are expecting again! Big suprise for us, we thought 2 or more years apart, but now it will be 18 months apart, yikes
Anyway have any comments about having them really close in age like this?? Thx
Honestly I don’t think there really is a perfect age gap between siblings and that there are pros and cons about every scenerio. Our kids are exactly 2.5 years apart and I don’t think I would have had them any closer together. It was much easier having an older more independent toddler when the baby came along, and one that could actually assist me in little tasks, especially as time has gone on. However, this age gap has also had it’s challenges with my oldest. As someone else mentioned above at 2.5 – 3 years old the oldest is very much in that only child, me, me, me phase, at least that’s how it was at our house. There are moments when our oldest adores his younger brother and then there are the moments when he doesn’t and is actually quite physically rough on him. I see a lot of insecurity and jealousy in our oldest (with regards to sharing attention with his brother and not just mommy and daddy’s – everybody!). But as you’re aware Carly our family situation isn’t the norm and our oldest had to deal with some unusal circumstances with sharing the spotlight. Who knows how things would have turned out had we had the boys closer together.
We had our first 2 girls 2 years apart. Almost to the day, both born in November and 10 days apart. I was in my mid 20’s when I had my first. I had a miscarriage between the two. If the second made it they would have been 15 months apart. I remember thinking when our first was 15 months that a newborn would have been difficult to handle at that time. I found 2 years very good. They always had each other to play with. Our daughters are not 13 and 15 years old. I am so glad I had them close together. When our oldest was 10 we had our third child, a boy. I like to say they were all planned and all from the same parents. It was like having my first but better. I knew what I was doing this time and the other two were very independent. I could sleep when the baby slept. I had a confidence I did not have with the first two. I was older and felt I had raised two very happy girls. It has helped me realized that there is never a perfect age gap because all arguments have their positive and negatives. My advice is for each family to decided what would work best for them. I enjoyed having the first two close together because they had each other. The negative was I didn’t have as much time to spend with our second when she was a baby because I had to also care for our first. I loved the age gap between our third because I get to spend quality time with him. The negative is he does not have a sibling close to his age group. But…. then our daughters start to fight and I get over that really quick
. We live in an area where he has a lot of friends so he is not lacking in companionship.
Unfortunately health decided the age spacing between children. I had always wanted them 2 years apart. Now they will be 5 years apart. I am due end of October.
Reading about your body morphing and exercise etc, I can totally relate. After my first daughter I lost 100 pounds. Got myself into the best shape of my life. And here I am 6 months pregnant, not as heavy as the last time…but still will have a good 60+ pound battle when done, I know it. I am a gainer. If I am not dieting,I am gaining. I have found it extrememly hard watching myself gain this time around.
On the other hand, this is how things turned out, and now I couldn’t be happier. My eldest will be a great help and is so excited for the big day!