Life and death of the Magic Princess Wand
13th August 2007
The last time my sister was in town, she brought Lucy a Magic Princess Wand.
I wish I had video of the MPW, as its impressive tackiness was mind boggling: it was a good 2 ft. long, bright pink, had hearts adorning every crevice, played a magic spell tune, and the best part — a plastic globe with rainbow LED lights that spun and twinkled and flashed.
Oh, did I mention it vibrated?
Lucy was understandably terrified of it the first few times. But soon she loved it. Like eyes-lit-up-with-glee loved it.
It was the type of gift that aunts rejoice in purchasing for their nieces because they get to 
see the toddler play with said toy then go home. Leaving poor, helpless Mummy with a singing, vibrating, blinding-flashing toy laden with toddler love.
I swear Michele left with an evil grin. All the glory and none of the grief.
Lucy had a blissful few weeks with MPW until just before we moved. Even though the tip was sticking out of her toy bucket, it was pinned by some toys. I yanked it up, and the globe snapped right off the top.
Thank goodness Lucy was distracted by a piece of fluff, so she missed the carnage. I quickly whisked it away. Her toddler-sized brain — constantly growing and stuffed to capacity with tricks such as flailing her arm around when we say, “Lucy, ninja!” — hasn’t missed it yet.
I haven’t told my sister yet, because I know she’ll think I broke it on purpose to save my sanity. Like, *wink, wink* “Oops!”
But I promise, Auntie Michele, it was a sincere accident. And you have my permission to bring Lucy something completely obnoxious the next time you visit.
And you know she’ll love it and I’ll hate it. We’ll be even.
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hahaha … I can probably get another one at the Ex over the next few weeks *evil grin*
Carly, I’ve got you beat. My father-in-law is famous for bringing Lexy the loudest, most obnoxious, quickest-way-to-drive-mommy-insane toys for birthdays, Christmas, what have you.
These toys are lovingly referred to as a “Grandma’s House Toy”, translation: It isn’t staying in my house to give me a migraine.
Of course Lexy loves these toys. Of course I hate them and quickly dispose of them after Grandpa goes home. I swear I hear him chuckle as he walks out the door.
My only thought is, if you know we won’t let her have the toy, why buy it? The money is wasted and could be better spent on clothing or put into a bank account for her.
I swear he hangs around flea markets and looks for the most obnoxious, the loudest, most migraine-inducing item that a toddler will surely love.
Let’s do a re-cap, shall we?
If you look on top of the armoire you will find:
1) A princess magic wand which spins, makes funny sounds at ear-splitting decibels and has this lovely dizzying light effect which I’m sure will cause seizures if you stare at it too long.
2) A talking Barney toy – enough said.
In my upstairs closet you will find:
1) A Chicken that does the chicken dance song. Loudly.
2) A dog-puppet that not only reeks of cigarettes, but also barks to the tune of “B-I-N-G-O”
3) A cow on a stick. Don’t ask.
4) Various books that let you push buttons for music or noises.
One of the few items she actually plays with is her Dora talking Dollhouse. Unfortunately, the batteries appear to have died and there aren’t any more in the house … Mommy must get some the next time she’s shopping …
The other one that she “uncovered” *ahem* recently was this large, annoying, magic Dora doll that comes with a little wand and she sings a song about wishes. Over. And over. And over.
That is a basement toy.
I figured if Daddy can spend his days in the basement playing Warcraft for hours on end, he can put up with Dora.
Wait until you see the fish I just bought for Lucy Darlin…you pull the cord and tail wiggles and makes a great noise.
I just know the whole Foster-McDougall-Dog family are going to love it.
Of course I picked it up at the $store in town, and I can easily get a couple more!!
This http://www.toysrus.com/sm-laugh-and-learn-learning-puppy–pi-2265219.html is the bain of my existence. It’s loud, obnoxious, and I swear it’s ALIVE. Long after Eirinn has gone to bed, hours later I’ll hear “HUG ME!!!” and sure enough, this dog is staring at me, demanding my attention. Creepy. But Eirinn loves it because it plays her favourite play-along songs. And that’s the only reason why I haven’t sent this dog to ‘the farm’.
I forgot to mention the possessed Pooh Bear toy we got Lexy for Christmas two years ago. It started off cute, it would say “Hello Lexy” when you turned him on and he was supposed to say Happy Birthday on her birthday (it didn’t), and good morning in the morning (apparently 3 am is breakfast time for Pooh Bear). Its clock was off and it never knew what time of day it was. It ended up in the closet because it got really annoying (asking for dinner at 11 am, bedtime at 3 pm) until once I fell asleep on the couch and in the middle of the night it “woke” up and said “Good Morning Lexy” … it was a little creepy. I thought Chucky was in the closet …
The batteries were missing the next day *whistles innocently*…
I will not buy little Lucy any toys that will annoy Mom or Dad, because I know that when the time comes for her Uncle and I to have kids we will be given worse toys than what we gave to her.
You are a wise woman, Auntie Jenni