I’d give Lucy a mop, but she’d just eat it
22nd February 2007
My sister (who built this fabulouso site) is coming into town from Ottawa today for Lucy’s birthday party this weekend. I sent Lucy to daycare so I can super-clean the house without an almost-1-year-old chasing the vacuum cord and trying to eat Windex.
It is absolutely remarkable how much I can get done without Lucy here. You forget how easy life was before a baby. I laugh thinking back to pre-Feb 2006 when I complained about having no time to scrub soapscum off the bathtub or that the dust on the sidebar added character. Ha!
Even with me home all the time we’ve found it difficult to clean (exacerbated by the fact I hate cleaning, of course. Tidying, yes, cleaning, no). I’m always worried about waking a sleeping Lucy during naps with the vacuum or running water in the bathroom. I can’t imagine what it will be like when I return to work.
As snooty as it sounds, I can totally understand hiring a house cleaner, if finances afford it. If cleaning eats into what little time I’ll have with Lucy, won’t it be cheaper (in life dollars) to pay someone?
How does one do it with even more kids? Do you just wait ’till they’re older and put them to work? What do all of you do?
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I have no idea how it’s done!
My little guy (Ayden-11mths) is in daycare and I’ve been working from home this week so I can try to do a bit of cleaning around the house and I’ve done NOTHING around the house yet.
I think about the days when I was growing up and how my mom did it ALL and all I can say is WOW! And I really do need to take the time to tell her what an amazing job she did.
The answer to your question – I’ve just come to terms with the fact that my house will never be perfectly clean (this is very difficult) and that dusty bunnies are fun to play with.
Here’s a question for you – Is our generation to soft compared to our parents generation?
Bee
I’ll respond to Bee’s question first…is your generation soft? I say yours not ours as I’m pretty sure at almost 50 yrs. of age I’m a lot older than you and Carly. In a word…yes, your generation is soft.
I see it in my daughter, granddaughters mom and even in my sons. Most of the fault does lie with us parents. We did way too much for you. If we didn’t do it for you, we certainly didn’t insist you do it for yourselves. Or we let things slide because it was easier to close our eyes to your softness/laziness than it was to insist you get it done.
My daughter for example has a disaster of a room here at home. Early on I used to fuss at her for it, but she always managed to procrastinate and not clean it up or she’d be so involved with school activities etc that I let her slide. After all I wanted her to be popular, well rounded and a good student, right? But what about a responsible adult? A clean person? I was sure there’d be time for that eventually. Well I’ve discovered there is…just not here at home. She keeps her room in her apt at college very clean. But when she is home on break she reverts right back to the slob…because she can. I unfortunately still don’t push the issues, accept all her excuses and look the other way. I watch how she handles daily life…she is a huge procrastinator, she is always flying by the seat of her pants, waiting until the last minute to pull it (whatever IT is) out of her butt at the very last possible second. She’s one of the lucky ones for some reason she always seems to squeak right in there and come out smelling like a rose. She is very popular, very outgoing and well rounded, she is an excellent student, wonderful, caring human being. I’m very proud of her but in some ways I feel like I didn’t quite get the job done with her that I was suppose to. I compare her to my mom and know without a doubt she would never, ever be able to handle the challenges my mothers life held.
My mom raised 3 kids, one with Downs Syndrome, pretty much single handedly. My dad was of the generation where he went to work, brought home the paycheck and ruled from his recliner. He never lifted a finger around the house (no dish drying for him, laundry folding or vacuuming)My mom also worked full time, did all the grocery shopping, cleaning and cooking. We had a home cooked meal every day…every single day. She baked cookies or a cake/pie at least once a week. She was present at all important functions at school…even during the daytime “working” hours. She ironed our clothes. IRONED our clothes, every evening. She bathed us and got us ready for bed on her own. You name she did it. She did it A L L and she did it pretty much on her own. She never complained she just motored right along.
As we, my sister and I got a little older she taught us to fold clothes. She taught us to iron dads handkerchiefs and gradually moved us on to shirts etc. (I don’t think my daughter has ever ironed) She taught us how cook,starting with how to peel potatoes, how to mix up meatloaf, etc. She taught us to bake, how to mix up cookie dough, whip up a cake from a box mix. S We were starting the washing machine when we were tall enough to reach the dials. We wrote grocery lists and helped with the meal planning and shopping. We swept floors, wash dishes, vacuumed, dusted etc. Little by little she showed us how to do those things and we not only became her helpers but we learned at a young age how to do those things for ourselves.
I didn’t do that with my daughter. It wasn’t until she went away to college that she learned how to do her own laundry! Start the dishwasher (SHE has a dishwasher and it’s not her own two hands! spoiled brat lol) She has learned to cook, very well I might add. I talked to her the other day and she was bitching about her roommate not cleaning the bathroom! My daughter, the one who keeps her bedroom in near squalor here at home was upset that her roommate leaves toothpaste blobs in the bathroom sink. Cracks me up. So yeah, she’s learning but the difference is me and my generation we were taught long before we left the nest and I believe entered the world more prepared than your generation and my daughters generation. We knew that there was a lot to be done and no matter how much you just jerk up your bootstraps and get cracking. You didn’t whine about it, procrastinate, complain etc. You got busy and you didn’t stop till it was done. The less complaining you did the faster the job was over. I think my generation made it easier on you because we knew how hard it was and we had the means to lighten your load. In the end I think we made you soft. Sorry
My advice to Carly is yes, as Lucy becomes older include her in cleaning, cooking, etc. Don’t look at it like forcing her into child labor…look at it as an opportunity to impart important life skills. She’ll be all the better for it and you’ll benefit from her newfound skills as well.
Whew…long winded and there was soooooooo much I didn’t say!
Aren’t you glad you asked?
I don’t have a child (right now, only two furry kids in the form of the sweetest brother kitties ever)…but I would kill for a cleaning lady…just to do the bathrooms, clean the kitchen floor, dust and vaccuum. Sweet, sweet dreams.
I love a clean house, but like Carly, hate cleaning, so it would be such a life luxury to have someone do it for me.
Another thing on the list of: things I need to save for before I get pregnant.
(Also on the list: 24/7 on-call doctor for my crazy pregnant worries and an endless supply of Cap’n'Crunch…See I have priorities.) 
Soft, my ass, Victoria.
Life and its demands have changed rather dramaticallly since your mother was teaching you to fold your father’s hankies.
Carly, I have hired someone to come in every two weeks to do the major cleaning. In between, we all work together — including hte 3.5 year old and the just turned 5 year old — to keep the house as tidy as we can. But I don’t sweat it if every toy doesn’t get put away at night. I’d rather have the playtime with the kids.
My mom tells a story of the parish priest dropping in unexpectedly when my sister was just over a year (there are 2.5 years between us). The house was a bit untidy, and my mother was really embarrassed. The priest sensed her unease, and said, “You know, Nancy, I’ve counseled a lot of troubled teens, and I’ve never heard one say, ‘Father, I stole that car because my mother didn’t keep the house tidy.’”
ouch…I must’ve hit a nerve with Jennifer
Carry on~
I agree with Jennifer. Soft? I don’t think so.
My mom had two versions of “clean”. 1 – family clean and 2 – company clean. Heaven help us if someone dropped by and it wasn’t “company clean”…
My mother also didn’t work 40-50 hours a week. Yes, I know that’s not much compared to some women out there, but it’s the restriction I have placed on myself in order to spend more time with my (then) only daughter. I used to work downtown Toronto, while living in Whitby. I worked from 8:00 to 4:30 which meant I had to be up by 5:30 am to get showered/dressed/kid up+fed+dressed/out the door by 6:30 to catch the 7:00 train. I’d pass out on the GO train from sheer exhaustion, go to work, catch the 5:00 train home, pick up my daughter by 5:45, take her home, feed her, play with her for 2 seconds and put her to bed at 7 .. lather, rinse, repeat x 5 …
Now I work in Pickering. I leave the house at 7:30 am, drop my first born off at the sitters, get to work by 8:00, leave at 4:30, pick my kid up by 5:00 .. by working closer to home, I have saved the equivalent of about an extra day and a half a week that I can spend with my child. It will be a little crazier with two .. but my point is .. who has time to do housework? Nevermind the energy??
I’m sorry, but anyone who comes to my house with their white gloves on will be ceremoniously woken up to what reality is like.
I know there’s a point in there somewhere … maybe when I get some more sleep (impossible with a newborn) I’ll have a more concise, better thought out argument …
Carly, love the new site, it’s beautiful.
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[...] received an email from reader Carly the other day. She had provoked a heated discussion on her blog about whether Generation X parents are too “soft” — specifically with our [...]
[...] Dads, Grandparents, BlogsI received an email from reader Carly the other day. She had provoked a heated discussion on her blog about whether Generation X parents are too “soft” — specifically with our children, in comparison [...]