Memo, in threes
20th March 2006
To: Lucy Marie McDougall-Foster
From: The wannabe bosses
Subject: Three weeks
Ms. McDougall-Foster,
Now that you are three weeks old, can twist and turn your head on your own, almost make real tears and weigh a whopping 8 lbs. 12 oz., we think it’s time you started contributing to the household. We’re still waiting for your birth certificate so we can get your social insurance number so you can legally work, so in the meantime here are some things you can change to perhaps make our lives easier:
1. Stop peeing on yourself during diaper changes and after baths. This not only creates obscene amounts of laundry, but upsets you and everyone else within a three block radius.
2. Darkness = sleepy time. No exceptions. Mummy is freaking tired.
3. When you pull yourself off a boob, can that please mean you’re finished? Not “I’m taking a 10 minute break then screaming for more.”
These suggestions for improvement do not mean you’re lacking in redeeming qualities. The following can be continued and are encouraged:
1. Making that worm face of yours where you stick out your neck, scrunch your forehead and open your wee mouth in an O.
2. Snorting and cooing during breastfeeding. Also: curling your body up and burying your nose in my boob while growling. Even at 3 a.m. this is hilarious.
3. Sleeping with your arms thrown over your head like a drama queen. You come by it honestly, sweetheart.
Any questions, please see Mummy.
Best regards,
Us (the ones with the dark circles under their eyes but goofy grins on our faces)
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